Google Mama or Mother's Instinct?

In many ways I wish I had become a mother before the world wide web, specifically Google, was invented. If I had £1 for every time I Googled something to do with my baby, I would be a very wealthy woman. 

Things I have searched since becoming a mother:

Why does my baby hate me?

When will my baby sleep?

How long should my baby feed for?

What should my vagina look like after childbirth? (Regret, so much regret.)

What should my baby wear when it is hot?

What colour poo is normal for a baby?

The list is endless. I regularly found myself doom scrolling at 3am when up in the night. I'm fairly sure I completed Amazon in those first few months, in a haze of tiredness and the hope that any one of those purchases would lead to a better sleep.

At one point, I was using an app to tell me when to put my child to sleep. An app, that had never met, held nor birthed my baby boy. (Unsurprisingly it didn't work.) When I look back now, I almost laugh at myself and my sheer desperation to have some sort of control. As a mother, one of the hardest lessons is letting go of control. That little newborn runs the show. Sleep (and lack thereof) is often the hardest thing to manage. If I could go back and just say 'go with the flow, it's going to be tough, but it'll pass' - but actually believed it, it would be easier. Sure, friends warned me but when you're in it, there doesn't seem to be an end. 

There is something that we ALL have within us. Intuition. 'Mother's Instinct'. Unfortunately, the internet, plus the voices of your friends/mother in law etc have drowned that all knowing voice out.         

Nobody, and I mean nobody knows your baby better than you. Many of us physically grew those babies inside our bodies. Think about that. Give yourself a moment to think that for 9 months (or so) we GREW A BABY INSIDE OUR BODIES. It is nothing short of miraculous.

It makes sense then, that we would know our babies better than Sue next door who thinks 'she's just a bit windy.' If we allowed ourselves to truly connect with our child at 3am, rather than blindly stare at Instagram, then maybe we'd be more in tune with our little ones and our intuition. If we didn't Google every single issue, and just stopped, looked and listened - we may feel more in control and more able to decide for ourselves what needs to happen.

I have found that I regularly subconsciously try to distract myself, or keep busy. I am often not in the moment and terrible at just being with my child. Always worrying about the next thing that needs doing, the shopping list, chores or Whatsapping my friends to ask if their child also drinks the bath water. 

I am trying now, to make a really conscious effort to come back into my body. Shut down the voices that are all advising me different things. Stop asking Google for the answer and simply come to the answer by myself, innately I do know what needs to happen, I just don't believe in myself enough to trust that voice. I'm getting much better at it - but it does take time. This doesn't just apply to motherhood, but all areas of life. 

Holy moly, adulting is fun, isn't it?