Kicking the habit - Circle Planner Month 1

The Circle Planner 

Over the years I have been to buy a beautiful new diary, use it for about two weeks, then without fail - it ends up in the bottom of a handbag or collecting dust on a shelf. Whilst I think of it, that's what happens with most new habits that I try to start. 

I've mentioned before, I am a serial procrastinator. If embarking on a project for someone else - everything will be impeccably organised and done on time. If it's for my own well being/career etc, I'll leave it all till the last minute, without fail. Or, I just won't do it at all. 

For years I thought I was just lazy. (There is definitely an element of that - napping is great after all.) I realise now though, that it's actually down to self confidence and 'staying safe'. If I don't push myself, take a risk, get on stage, I can't fail - right? I've been keeping myself in a comfortable little box for YEARS. 

I'm no psychologist, but I've had enough therapy and researched this area enough to know that the mind keeps us playing out those same patterns because it's what we know, and it keeps us 'safe'. Getting off the sofa is dangerous. The reason I might sit binge watching Grand Designs, choffing chocolate, rather than writing is because there is no risk involved whilst on the sofa. No one is going to laugh, or troll me whilst i'm safely tucked up in my dressing gown and slippers. 

I've been working on breaking down these barriers for a while. There has been so much darkness in the last few years that it's driven me to think - hang on. Do I want to look back and think, really? Is that all you did? When all along there was that voice inside saying 'Get up! Write! Sing for the hell of it!' I haven't listened to that voice since I was a teenager. Now that I am finding this new, post child birth version of me, I figure the time is now. 

I was introduced to the Circle Planner by one of my most wonderful friends. She too, is working really hard to sort her sh*t out. I asked one of my most amazing, driven and loving best friends to hold me accountable and give me a nudge if need it. I've known her since childhood - she's always wanted the best for me and I just couldn't see it for myself. Having 'accountability buddies' is really helpful. 

I have relished in all the list making, planning and ticking that the Circle Planner holds... But what has surprised more than anything is the habit tracker. A feature that I might usually just ignore, I have used it, and it has worked. I have managed to drink more water, stretch and take my supplements almost every day. (The days where I didn't - well, I'm human and have had a very poorly toddler.)

Today, I built myself a desk. It's nothing that special, but it means so much to me. It is my own desk, where I will begin my writing career. It is incredible how vulnerable saying that makes me feel, but it's true. (Look up Brene Brown for some inspirational stuff on how powerful vulnerability is!)

There is a space for a master list within each month - I love a list. There are goals for each month, as well as the year, the next five years and your life goals.

What's that? LIFE GOALS? 😱

I'll be frank - i'm not ready to fill that in. January for me, was about cultivating some small attainable self care habits that I will stick to. As well as writing and completing two modules on a writing course. There were other boring home tasks I shan't bore you with. I completed all of them, with the exception of a flatpack for my son's room. I will get to it! No one is more flabbergasted than me. And it means that for February, i'll up the goals a little bit. Enough so that it's a challenge, not so much that I'll flop and resort back to Dairy Milk gate. 

I have found the accountability factor of the Circle Planner really, really helpful. The fact that she (The Planner, of course it's a she) is bright orange, means I can't miss her. There she is. On my desk; urging me to just get on and do it.

There is something huge to be said for setting goals - it doesn't matter what time of year it is. More than that, making the process achievable and enjoying that process. I have no doubt there will be many days where I sit in my dark hole of despair, imposter syndrome biting my face, and wishing I had just stayed in my little 'safe place'. But for now, I will continue to try and take it day by day. 

All in all, the Planner has really helped me out so far. There will undoubtedly be some bumps in the road as with any new romance, but I am hoping my love for the Circle Planner will stand the test of time. 

Oh, to see what February brings! 

N x

PS. There are lots of colouring in sections within The Circle Planner too. Just saying.