Phone Addiction

 

It’s real. So real. 

My husband has been working and is away for the night. The baby is asleep! This was my opportunity for a bubble bath, a good book, meditation. Hell, a shower even. What is it that I chose to do? Sit on my bed and flick between Instagram, Facebook, email, WhatsApp and googling “who is Lionel Richie married to?” And other such vital enquiries. As a new Mum, and particularly in lockdown - the social connection has been vital. But do I need to be on my phone during a night feed at 3am? That isn’t going to help the precious little sleep I do get with a baby. 

I was given a phone aged 14 in 2000, it was a Nokia 3210 and it opened up a whole new world. I get a rush even thinking about it now; sitting at the back of the maths classroom texting a boy from the school up the road. It was unbelievably exciting. The phone bill that incurred was not as exciting, it was downright absurd and my dad (quite rightly) has never let me live it down. I had even been know to steal his works phone, lovingly known as the brick - as it was massive - just to get that hit. I was a teenager, and this was when only text messaging was around. I can’t imagine what it’s like for teenagers today (and in many cases children) who are ambushed with all the social media etc we have now.  

So what’s it all about? 

Not being able to put your phone down is a thing. It’s called Nomophobia - literally No Mobile Phobia. It’s crazy that it’s even got a name, but it is a very real and common addiction. Research shows that we get a surge of dopamine each time we pick up our device. In essence your brain rewards you for checking your phone and you get a rush for every like, comment, text, email etc. It’s an addiction as real as any other. Although it may not have the same physical effects as say alcoholism, it has a very real mental impact. It can increase feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness to name but a few. It can also have a huge impact on productivity and concentration. I’m fairly sure I could have conquered the world by now if I didn’t have my phone glued to my paws. For me, I believe it’s about connection. I am so driven by talking to other people, almost constantly. I am blessed with many friends who I talk to all the time. But do I pick up the phone to talk? Nope. I don’t really like talking on the phone anymore when I used to love it, and I wonder why that is.

What can I do about it?

The hierarchy of competence shows us four stages of competence in our general decision making, learning a skill, breaking a habit, basically our way of life. It applies brilliantly to phone addiction as we’ll as many other habits we may want to change.

Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t even know you have a problem, so you don’t know you need to change. You are blissfully unaware, no deeper thinking here! Some would say this is a lot easier than the following two stages; it requires little effort and you get to do what the hell you like without thinking. Want to eat your body weight in cheese? YES I DO. Want to keep shopping? Buying stuff covered in plastic? Sure. Whether that results in a happy you, those around you or indeed a happy planet is another story. 
Conscious Incompetence: Ah. When you are aware of something is wrong but keep doing it. I’m sure we can all think of many things. The binge eating/drinking/smoking/shopping/gambling/gossiping/lying/cheating/being in toxic relationships... in my case, being hopelessly addicted to my phone. I know it’s a problem, and yet here we are.

Conscious Competence: Now we’re getting somewhere. You know there’s a problem. Or there’s a habit you want to take up, like running for example. You address it. You have to consciously decide to make a better choice every single day. It takes effort, learning, breaking habits, working hard. It’s not easy at all but dang, it’s got to be worth it because the aim is:

Unconscious Competence: You’ve nailed it. The hard work over time has paid off and you now go about your day without even thinking about it. You don’t even consider that cigarette anymore, the lift isn’t even an option... you just walk those stairs. It’s an unconscious decision. 

Well that’s the goal isn’t it. Far easier said than done; where to start? For me I have to unpick 20 years of phone use, and that’s going to take some doing. Before now I have purchased an Alcatel that has zero internet on it, and is positively archaic. However I need the map function and camera, I drive a lot and have a little boy and photos are a must... I have put the screentime block on my iPhone, but we forgot the password so now it’s just ineffective and so the use continues. 

I listened to a book called Rewire Your Mindset by Brian Keane. He also happens to be an old uni friend, and so I read it to support him, but it turned out to be ridiculously inspiring. (I am delighted about this, had it been rubbish it would have been a tad awkward.) I really recommend this book to everyone; there is something relatable to everyone in there. He uses a phrase “tell me what you do every day and I’ll tell you where you’ll be in a year.” That’s a bit scary. I’ll still be sat on my phone doing sweet FA and won’t have achieved any of my dreams…It really rang home for me. Time to sort it out! Brian also has a podcast, and so on the advice of his guest, the amazing author Johann Hari, I purchased something called a Ksafe. It’s timed safe, initially designed for hiding biscuits in and stop you from eating them, also for cigarettes, pills, and handily... a phone. I will put it in the safe from 6pm and leave it there till the morning. Eek. 

For some this is too extreme, for me it is necessary. This is a real problem and I am determined to sort it out. It’s going to be interesting. I’m excited to be liberated from it with no excuse or temptation. Wish me luck!